She’s My Cherry Pie

Tastes good it will make a grown man cry and put a smile on your face, ten miles wide. Thank you Warrant for bringing us the best fucking song ever. Although it may be rivaled by that cock rock song “stroke me.” I love that one. In any case this pie is the shit. Let’s begin:

Halve and pit about 4c of fresh ass cherries. “Can I use the brightly colored jarred ones? I like those.” You mean maraschino cherries? Are you fucking crazy? Stop asking retarded questions jackass. Toss with the following mixture: 1c sugar, 3tbl cornstarch, 1/4tsp salt, and 1tsp vanilla. Set aside.

Make two pie crusts. Now this is the second time I have omitted an instructional on lattice top pies. I still do not have any faith you can pull it off because you just suck that bad. “Your lattice looks all jacked, like your mom.” First of all that was a terrible “mother” joke. Second, I concur. I was lazy and did a large lattice when I should have taken the time and done a thin one. Whatever. At least I can lattice, loser. So just put your second rolled crust on top of the pie and cut some vent holes in it. I think you can manage that but I may be giving you too much credit.

Bake at 375 for a little over an hour and there you have it. Looks so good it will bring a tear to your eye. Eat it.