Buffalo Blue Burgers

Well I have a bunch of leftover buffalo and blue cheese from the Buffalo Blue Balls I made earlier so I thought I would make a gigantic blue ball and call it a stuffed burger. If you missed out on prior posts, the buffalo is a mystical and esoteric animal that loves to be consumed by humans. They underwent massive slaughter in the name of fun and bizarre religious rituals but the buffalo does not hold it against us. They are cool like that. So without any further adieu, let’s begin:

Take your meat and form two equal sized, flat patties. Fill one with as much blue cheese as you can fit. Then take the other, place on top, and seal the sides. Do not try to make a patty, cut a hole in it, and stuff it through the hole. I know that is what you were thinking, loser.

Since I am only cooking one burger I don’t want to start the grill and waste a bunch of charcoal. While poisoning the environment would be fun, that charcoal is damn expensive. Get your cast iron skillet sizzling at about a 6 or a 7 and plop that baby down.

Everyone probably knows this already but this is a little trick I picked up while watching the cooks at the bar I worked at. Once you have flipped your burger, splash some water down and cover it so it gets steamed. This cooks the burger evenly and seals in the juices.

Serve with more blue cheese and, that’s right folks, Trailer Park Pasta Salad. I would also suggest some spinach for your burger but I didn’t have any. I still need to go grocery shopping. Eat it.

Buffalo Blue Balls

These buffalo blue balls were a key menu item at a bar I used to work at but those idiots used beef. With buffalo, the succulent juices rush forth as you plunge these savory salty balls into your mouth. Once you get a taste you only want more. There is no denying the sheer power and virility of the buffalo blue balls. Let’s begin:

Buffalo meat works perfectly for this dish because it is so freaking lean. You can use beef but make sure you get 10% or less otherwise you will fuck it all up. Pure meat and blue cheese is the name of this game. Cup your hand and put a little meat in it. Fill it with blue cheese. Cover it with another piece of meat and roll into a ball. Place on baking sheet. If you cannot accomplish this simple task, I would give up on life.

Bake at 350 deg for 25 min. Sprinkle with more blue cheese. Serve with the fish tacos. Eat it.

Steak: The Second Coming

You saw it from a mile away. That’s right; We are going to make some motherfucking bloody ass steak (and bone dry for the ladies). There is only ONE way to cook a good steak indoors and this is it my friend. If you do not have a cast iron pan abandon all hope right fucking now. Don’t try. It will taste terrible. Don’t even think about putting it in your Forman Grill. In fact, throw that thing away right now. Let’s begin:

Start off with a killer cut of steak. I always opt for bone in because it makes me really connect with my carnivorous side. STOP RIGHT NOW!!! DO NOT marinate or rub with any bullshit! Only salt and pepper (freshly and coarsely ground) are acceptable. Anything else will murder your beloved piece of heaven. You can garnish with whatever the fuck you want but cook the steak alone. Think of it like a player-hater at a player party. That fucker ain’t gonna jive wit nones but his homies S & P.

Wait for your cast iron pan to get searing hot at about a 7 before you slap down that piece of meat. let it sizzle for about 5 min and then flip it (after flip seen above). Note the pot holder over the iron handle. That was a hard one to learn…

One minute after flipping it toss in a 375 deg oven ‘as-is’ for about 7ish min. Do not do this if you have a wooden or steel handle. You might think you can but like everything else, you can’t.

Now that is some good looking steak eh? To cook medium-well leave it in the oven for a little longer NOT the stove top. Top off with any type of anything or eat solo. Anyway is the best ever. Pairing suggestions: Potatoes, veggies, tossed salad (sicko!), etc. You can slice up and put in enchiladas, tacos, or any other mexican food. Hey dummy, remember, if you are going to end up cooking it further in another dish, cook it one level closer to raw than desired.